2 posts tagged “absurd moralizing”
You know, I'd like women to like me because of my evil, rather than in spite of it, and I thought Shugo Chara!'s resident P-I-M-P Ikuto might provide some instruction in that area. So I studied his moves and discovered there were some important lessons to be learned:
To start with, first impressions are important. You want her to know from the get-go that you are doer, and that when you set your mind to something, you get what you want. To prove that point, when the two of you first meet you should feel her up while stealing something precious to her.
Next, you're going to have to peek on her when she comes out of the bath, just make sure you aren't subtle about it. You want to make sure she sees you as a sexual being, and the best time to do that is when she feels the most vulnerable.
She may pour her heart into little projects from time to time, frequently these will be stupid things like helping needy children and cooking.
After you have destroyed something that she worked hard on it is time to show your sensitive caring side. Head down to the 7-11 and pick up some snacks to replace the dessert she slaved over. Nothing says "I'm a sensitive, caring man" like a pack of Slim Jims. Just be sure not to say "I'm sorry". Sorry is something you say to people at your own level, and in any case, in this relationship you must remember that you are never at fault, no matter what you do.
Use your tongue whenever you can. Lick various things, her eggs if possible, a girl likes it if you say, "my tongue can reach all the way to your eggs" and then you are able to back it up.
Crush the dreams of children. Nothing says "I'm a rebel and I don't play by society's rules" like picking on those who have no means to defend themselves.
Play an instrument. It probably doesn't have to be a violin, but it should be something that you can use to express the inner torment of your tortured soul. After all, you can't go wrong with a musician.
The last step is to save her from falling to her death. This will negate the leaving her to die from when you first met, and from that point on her heart will be yours... to do with as you please.
I've been watching fansubs of Shugo Chara!, which is the series that Buono! does theme songs for. I originally started watching it because of the Buono! connection, but it is a pretty well done, fun kids anime and I think it is worth watching on its own merit. The basic premise is that children's hopes and dreams for the future manifest themselves in the form of an egg within the heart.
Shugo Chara! is all about believing in yourself and following your dreams but there should be a limit to the things you're willing to do to achieve those ends. If we completely abandon the instruction of ethics we will end up in the horrible amoral madhouse that cable news would have us believe we live in now.
Well, to look at it another way, I suppose the main lessons of the show could be: "if you're pretty enough you can get away with anything", and "life isn't fair". Two things kids would do well to learn early.
[*](Oh shit! I Godwin'd my own post. Well, at least I didn't try to make some link between the disregard of Ikuto's acts and Japan's view of its own atrocities in WWII. *cough*)
