4 posts from May 2008

I am a big believer in the power of clichés to show what people view as universally true through the practice of unquestioning repetition. One of my favorite sayings is: "You learn something new everyday". I think it is important to end every day with a little more knowledge than you began it with, and that there are plenty of new things to learn if you just keep your eyes open. They also say that knowledge is power, and it is my hope to one day have amassed enough knowledge to become the unquestioned ruler of all creation and grind humanity underneath my heel. Until that day I'll have to be content with my current lot in life, and that lot has me learning what I can from Berikyuu!. Here are some of the things that I've learned from the first weeks worth of shows.

In the first episode I learned that C-ute's LALALA Shitfest no Uta dresses could be pretty low cut in the front. Just a little bit more and maybe... well, anyway I take back 5% of the negative things I've said about those dresses. The song is still shit though.

On day two I discovered that Miyabi is cuter than I ever gave her credit for. As Okai gives the final suggestion as to what the object could be you can see that Miyabi thinks that it could be the right answer. The way she clutches her tool and twists her arms up to her body while looking around sort of nervously. Then when it is revealed that the answer is not correct, her sudden outpouring of surprise and relief. I find that all incredibly adorable.

Also, is it just me or does this part of Okai's dress look like the eye of some kind of monster? Seriously, these outfits look like they were made with scraps from the Jim Henson workshop. I hereby restore 45% of the negative things I said that I earlier retracted.

The third episode brought about questions regarding the set decorations. It is obvious that most of the furnishings are recycled from the set of the LA LA LA Shitfest no Uta PV, like the hexagonal shelving unit and the rounded right angle bookshelf piece. However the one thing that caught my attention the most was the silver fire hydrant that sits off to the side.

It is sitting on the extreme margin of the set, behind the cables and gaffer's tape, almost far enough to pretend to be a real hydrant. Yet, how could a silver fire hydrant indoors be anything but a prop. So, we're left to wonder what it represents, is it a warning about some kind of looming danger? What is going to be burned away during the course of Berikyuu! that we should be concerned about? Perhaps it is meant to echo the only other silver object on set, the similarly roughly cylindrical in shape rocketship that sits on the bookcase. Is the color and shape supposed to be representative of something else? They are both related to fire, hydrants help put it out and rockets spew it forth and are propelled by it. Is there some significance there? It is such a mystery. If you argue that it isn't supposed to represent something, and is just a prop, that doesn't answer any questions as to why they decided to include it, while simultaineously keeping to to the side as far as possible. I am confounded by it.

The fourth episode is "Pose de BeriQ!", and I think the most intriguing thing is observing who people look at when they open their eyes.

It is interesting to see where people look for validation or confirmation. I also like how Chisato only barely got it right, and then was asking Mai what the Hell she was doing in a sort of condescending tone, what a bitch!

In the final episode of week one we have our first exposure to dry erase boards. I was struck by how weird (to me) is the way that Okai holds her pen. 

She grips it between her ring and middle fingers, whereas I and most people I've met hold it between the middle and index fingers. A lot of those who I saw hold it differently were left handed, and I'd assumed they adopted that alternate technique to prevent smudging as they wrote, but that doesn't seem applicable here. Many of the H!P members on this show write in a similar way, the one who is closest to my form is Nakajima Saki, though I don't hold a pen with such a death drip to force my index finger into that shape. I took out a pen and tried writing like Okai does and I discovered that it makes it more difficult for me to move the point through my normal range without using my whole arm. Additionally, I started feeling fatigue in my wrist and forearm before I finished the fourth sentence. Clearly I'm not very good at writing like that. I'd always believed that I wrote the "right" way, I hold a pencil like the unicode symbol ✍ after all, but seeing several people take a different path I can't help but feel doubt.

I've learned lots of things from Berikyuu!, not the least of which is that there is always something new to learn. In all honesty I want to learn about the girls more than corn preparation equipment and the like, but with careful observation I think that will come in time. If "knowledge is power", hopefully through Berikyuu! I will gain the power needed to rule the Earth with an iron fist. Though they also say that "curiosity killed the cat", so if I'm lucky I won't find out anything I don't want to know...

I've been inspired by the "chotto matte!" series of posts that have been going on over at ★ ☆ yossha yossha YOSSHA! ☆ ★, so I decided to share my favorite all time Sudou Massa picture.

I don't know if Yoshimi was planning to post this one later on, but I think it's still okay. I mean, I think this photo is good enough to post twice.

Yeah, I did it again, I couldn't help myself.

I know it is not unusual to have fantasies involving particularly beloved idols. So, it isn't that strange that I imagine Okai smiling like this and giving me the finger. Maybe playfully swearing at me some in broken English too. That's not weird at all... of course it's not...

Anyway, I'll close this post out with Okai Chisato doing her Fujimoto Miki impersonation during the August 17th, 2007 episode of HaroPuro Yanen.

Well, I've been out of town for a little more than a week. I meant to mention something about it left, but... well I failed that. Anyway, with the recent airline problems I wasn't sure I was going to make the trip, but that isn't any excuse. I was intending to post something along the lines of, "I'll be away from the internet for over a week, so if there is a huge scandal and an H!P sex tape surfaces; please, for the love of God, save me a copy! Yes, even if it features Yasuda Kei, or Tsunku.♂ " But I didn't post anything, I just disappeared. HA! Take that, whoever might give a damn! Leaving what I didn't do aside, I'll talk about what I did do: I went to Hawaii and wrote blog posts with pen and paper. How sad is that? Well, that wasn't all I did, but it is a way to kill time on long plane flights that is potentially slightly less embarrassing than masturbating in an airplane lavatory. Well, all this is sort of ancillary to the TWIO posts. So, on with the grades!

It was going to be higher, but I went away for a week without telling anyone. That is bad form. I still pass though.

Intended for: Right Here

On Berikyuu! beginnings.

There are two weeks worth of Berikyuu! in the bank now, and I thought I would share my thoughts on the first 10 episodes. In general, I like the show, but it is certainly not perfect.

Shot0008

Every episode starts with Mano Erina reading some poignant passage from a book of great renown, or something. I don't know near enough Japanese to understand what she is saying, but I do have eyes and a judgmental personality so I have some comments anyway. She is always wearing a school girl outfit of some kind and with herstraight hair and bangs cut below her eyebrows and I have to say I don't really like this look. In my opinion she

Mano Erina

looks too plain, too ordinary, she looks like any other Japanese schoolgirl. Granted, she is much cuter than youraverage Japanese school girl, but she doesn't seem to be that much cuter. She doesn't have an aspect that makesher seem exceptional, some kind of idol sparkle to command my attention and make me want to see more. If you compare this to her image in her Egg and Gatas days I think she has taken a step backwards.Back then with her crazy twin ponytails she stood out somewhat, and if you combined that with a shiny costume she was clearly identifiable as an "idol", but they have taken all of that away from her. If this is to be her image as a soloist I can already say I don't really care. With an look that just screams "ordinary" in every way I can practically hear the yawn-fest ballads already. NO THANKS, I'LL PASS. Mano Erina is only a small part of Berikyuu! though, the bulk of it is Berryz Koubou and C-ute.

I like the main part of Berikyuu!, when I first heard that this show would replace Uta Doki I was concerned that the short time slot would make the show feel constrained like Uta Doki but that doesn't seem to be the case. The difference could be because the Berikyuu! intro is a lot shorter than the drawn out Uta Doki MC part, or maybe it is because I don't usually understand the questions so Berikyuu! can be a bit boring at times and as a result it feels like it takes longer. Whatever the case may be, I think the show is generally good, but a few tweaks could make it much better. A simple change would be to add rewards and/or punishment games tied to the result of the contests. Doing so would make the contestants actually care whether they win or not. Currently, it doesn't really seem to matter to them one way or the other. This could partly be because of the nature of the questions being asked. There is no reasonable expectation that middle school girls would know things about gravure idols, so there is no shame in failing to answer the question properly. If instead of being asked to identify some medieval torture device/corn deflesher, they are asked more general knowledge questions, like "what is the highest mountain in Japan?", then there is a greater opportunity for comedy when they fail to get it right. In the current format, when somebody says a wrong answer the disembodied host voice says so and that is the end of it. He has the first crack at all jokes about the answer and the girls are left with whatever scraps he leaves behind. However, if they switched from whispering into a vase to flip cards where everyone's answer was visible at the same time the members could more easily mock each other's bonehead answers. If one of them fails an "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" type question and has to show everybody their mistake, that is just begging for the name calling and derisive laughter that we've come to expect in idol entertainment. If they don't want to do flip cards they could switch to buzzers instead. With really excitable people like Chinami around you could really get the energy up quickly with people beating on the buttons. Plus, the nature of buzzers encourages people to try to ring in quickly, even if they don't know the answer to the question yet, which is always a good source of humor. I think the quiz segment could be improved by things like that, but maybe there are other challenges that we might enjoy watching.

Personally, I could get behind single elimination tournaments. With 14 people the brackets would be uneven, but I don't think that is a big deal. I'd love to see an arm wrestling tournament, which we all know Maasa would win, but I think it would be fun to watch the process and see who faced her in the final. Heck, I think even a janken tournament could be fun if they did interviews beforehand and we got to hear strategy tidbits like, "she always throws rock first so I'm going paper all the way" and so on. Alternatively, if they want to maintain the Berryz v. C-ute dynamic they could make a game where each group has to select someone to represent them in a one on one match with a player from the other side. The matches could be in seven different general categories like "physical challenge", "social studies" or "pop culture knowledge" with the exact details hidden until after the competitors had been selected. There would be seven head to head matches, and each member would compete exactly once. That way, the Berryz team might consider selecting Maasa for the physical challenge in case it was a test of strength, Chinami since it might involve sprinting or hula-hoops, or Saki because it could be a limbo contest or something, but they wouldn't know what it was so there would be some measure of gambling involved and the producers could always throw them a curve ball. Having to face another person head on in a matter of winning and losing would get the competitive spirit flowing and would add more drama to the program. Usually, I feel that competition is good and all, but I think the show could be made greater with less conflict.

What I would like most of all is the return of certain things we have seen before. I'd love to see the revival of the short format skits that we saw in Berryz Koubou DVD Mag. 6 or C-ute DVD Mag. 4, where they had to do embarrassing things like confess their undying love for each other or act out weird personas to impress Okai-kun. Those skits require nearly nothing in terms of costumes, sets or props, and aren't really dependent on lots of rehearsal time so I think they could fit with Berikyuu! very well. I'd also like to see the return of the human sized board game from the Berryz Koubou bus tour. They could make a website with the content of all the squares and people could cheer at home for certain rolls. If they did two or three moves a day it might take a while to complete one game, but depending on how often someone landed on a "show us your sexy pose" square I might not care. In my opinion, having things like this would make a fun show without punishments or losers, which would be nice if possible.

On top of the list of things I know I'll never see, but the odds of them happening are greater than zero so I continue to hold out hope, is a Twister(TM) tournament. I know they'll never do it, but it has the potential to be awesome, and a fellow can dream. I think exhausting all possible combinations of players would be Haromoni@ levels of tedious, so I think that if you start with 15 people (7 Berryz + 7 C-ute + 1 Mano Erina) you could randomly divide them into three groups of five for the first round eliminations. The top three from each heat could go onto the second round with the heat winner that lasted to most moves facing the second and third place finishers that lasted the fewest moves in a three way battle. The heat winner that had to go the fewest steps would face the second and third place players that lasted the longest in one match, and the the remaining three qualifiers would face each other. The six first round losers would face off in a last chance Twister melee, where the winner would get moved up to the final with the three winners of the second round matches. The winner would be decided in only eight matches that way, and I think that, depending on how they edited it, the tournament could be high quality television entertainment.

Similarly, I think the Nintendo Wii super product placement happy fun time marketing segment could be fun too if only they switch to a game that they can play together, hopefully one that involves more jumping around, like a sports title. I've never played with a Wii, but as I understand it they can be quite fun, but that quiz game didn't seem to be the most exciting one available.

Also, I think they should try more regular outfits, it is going to look exceedingly stupid when C-ute switches to "normal" clothes with their Namida no Iro costumes and Berryz Koubou are still wearing their absurd Dschingis Khan costumes. The disparity will painfully jarring.

In total, I'm interested in where Berikyuu! is going in the future, even if they stay in that tiny room I think a lot of entertaining things can be done, and I hope that they give the girls a chance to shine more individually in the future.

Status: Never posted.

I don't like this. I wrote it three Sundays ago, and as I was editing it that Monday and I couldn't seem to make anything worthwhile out of it. I think part of it is that the third paragraph is too heavily influenced by my initial impressions of the first episode, and colors the description of the whole first week around that. When I was rewatching the episodes I found that my appreciation for them was muh higher than what I wrote would suggest. Then on Tuesday I considered cutting it down and making it just a post on the things I want to see in Berikyuu! and maybe a second post on Mano Erina's solo image. I didn't find a way to make the second half on its own seem worth reading. I wasn't interested by it and I wrote it about my own desires. Ultimately, it failed the "who cares?" test. The Mano Eri part I actually kinda liked and I've thought about expanding it with my thoughts on how her look has evolved over time. In particular, when she started tucking her hair behind her ears in week three. I think it better shows off more of her most obvious talent: her cute face. Having this holding everything up became stressful to me, until Wednesday when I realized I could just abandon it, and make it go away. I don't have any plans to revisit this topic, so this quarter finished piece will likely be all that remains.

On Episode 14 of Berikyuu!:

I think this shit is funny. I always say the "Nooooo" parts out loud when I read it, and it makes me laugh without fail. I don't know if I actually succeeded in being funny or not, as I have no clue if anyone else ever laughed because of it, but it is still my favorite post by me, ever. The "*close*" part at the bottom was to represent my closing the video at that point and not watching the rest. I don't know if that was clear or not. Originally it was *Quit*, but I thought that might be taken to mean I had quit Berikyuu! altogether which isn't the case. In spite of everything, I still have some hope.

On Medical Conditions.:

The thing about this that I think is so evil is not the thinking that she might be pregnant. I view that as a fairly normal reaction at this point. Rather, it is that I thought about that and then my personal desires before I considered her health and well being. Appendicitis is a potentially life threatening ailment, and I thought about her boobs before that... that's pretty evil in my estimation. I'll admit to feeling genuinely bad about that. Also, originally, instead of "if her boobs are out there" it was "if her boobs are hanging out", but I thought that might be interpreted to mean that I expected her breasts to be totally exposed, which is not a requirement for me. So I changed it, but on further reflection I feel that old way was better.

On lessons for grown-ups.:

I can't believe I did that post without working in a couple "cream on face" screenshots. Oh well.

Other than these things, I can't believe how bad my English is... I need to head down to the library and read a few books on the subject...

I'm sort of distressed that I wrote something for here and didn't post it. This is supposed to be where I put all my stupid stuff, and if I don't use it for that purpose what is point? It could just be that I have standards of some kind, but in my life I haven't found being selective to be a huge benefit. Well, whatever...

The long hiatus doesn't really bother me though. I never intended this to be one of those blogs that comments on every piece of news that goes by, but instead to be place to put things when I have something to say. There is no schedule, and I feel no obligation to post anything regularly. Even these TWIO posts were never intended to actually be weekly, but instead were meant to be made whenever I felt the need for one. So I don't mind not posting when I don't have anything to say, however I left with posts I still wanted make and I feel kinda bad for not doing them first.

Eh, status quo still isn't bad, though I feel a desire to lower my standards (I can't believe that's possible!) and post more frequently to that things aren't left unsaid.

I'm sort of excited though, because I have practically two whole weeks of Berikyuu! and other releases to catch up on, and I'm sure there must be some jems.

"A stitched up bear's anus saves nine day's shoveling."

"People who pass stones in glass houses should see a urologist."

Thank you for your time.